Sometimes I think Im gonna drown
Cause everyone arounds so hollow
Im alone
Sometimes I think Im going down
But no one makes a sound
They follow
And Im alone
Yeah if I make it Id be amazed
Just to find tomorrow
One more day and Id be amazed
Just to see it waiting
And if I make it Im still alone
No more hope for better days
But if I could change
Then Id really be amazed
And when you know you cant relate
To one more shiny face
Your heart breaks
No one cares
And when you know you cant go on
Cause everything is wrong
Your heart breaks
But no ones there

i feel a bit better now i have told my room m8 what i have been thinking about the last 2 weeks it was good to get it off my cheast.
the last 2 dayes i have been thinking alot about suicide but my X gf made me give life a new chanse so i am doing that
but i am not completly happy yet but i am geting there slowly

oki my X GF found a new BF and i was cool with that but the same day she moved in with him they broke up and now she is back home
and single
and maybe i have a chanse to get her back if i am lucky
i still have fealings for her
even thoe i don't wan't to
we have a good just as friends
but i realy miss the good times we had
the joy of seeingher after 2-3 weeks and they joy in her eyes when i came home from school
i love laying next to her in bed, holding her close to me and smellign her hair. or just stay up all night and look at her sleep

iknow this is the girl for me and it is her i wan't to spend the rest of my life with
i just need to pull my self together and become a man insted of a boy traped inside a mans body

i am sick,, and i am thinking 2 things that i can live without

well i got a feaver, my body hurts. i'm sweeting like a pig

and i got too much time on my hands so i can't stop thinking
i realy wish my brain just would stop working atleast just for 1 houer so i could get some rest

weee i am back from the snow
and i have been to school today
it was a good day in school. i acturly did something there today hehe
and i talked with christina
and when i got home i was chatting with her about almost every thing
so we are geting to know eachother
we talk about every thing from book, movies sex and pets
hehe i know it maybe sounds strange but hey i am not your normal kind of geek :P

heeeelp i can't get out too much snow
i got no coke
and no cigs
and my internet died last night but it is back online now

i am in the middle of no were wisiting my mum and there is just nothing to do here
stod out in the snow last niht in 45 minnuts hoping for a bus
but no luck for me
pls come save me

I saw your face in the
paper that i bought today
I heard our song on the radio

I know youre not a part of
the shrinking world anymore
but life goes on for me and i dont care
if youre standing there

She dont mind the pain
love is a losers game
time is on my side
you got nothing to hide
love is a losers game my freind
till the very end

I dont remember nothing
after all we've been going through
but life goes on for me and i dont care

I saw your face in the
paper that i bought today
i heard our song on the radio
on rathing show ------- on a rainy day show

She dont mind the pain
love is a losers game
time is on my side
you got nothing to hide
love is a losers game my freind
till the very end my freind
Love is a losers game
time is on my side
you got nothing to hide
love is a losers game my freind
till the very end



this must say everything that is on my mind
about that subjekt that is...
why can something so good amke someone so happe and still make the same person so sad

well enough about that....


i have been wisiting some friends today,, it was nice, my friend iza and I drink alot of coffe and talk about old days, and new stuff, things we are dealing with in our life at the moment.
but now it is time for me to go to bed and pray for a bit more happy tomorrow

i had a dream about my X gf
and it is not about sex even thoes someone maybe wish i would write about my sex life :P

well in the dream she had startet daiting one of my friends even thoe she said she would never go for one of my friends,, and last monday i was sad and angry because of that,, not that i know if she is doing that,, but what the different between monday and today,, is that i am in love again with a girl
so that makes everything all better
i am a better man than my father he still wan't my mum back even thoe he allready have a GF


i was just thinking,, with all the hate crime and war in the world you would think that we are doomed,, but then i startet tot hink,, if a simple guy like me and get so happy just by talking to a girl,, then there must still be hope for the rest of the world
and some day it will become a better place, with lots of hugs :P

and now i am about to start packing my stuff i am going to wisit my mum and frineds in this week,, only sad thing is that the girl aint comming

well i am back to being happy again so thats good

i found a way to deal with that thing that made me sad
i just start thinking of another person i think i kinda lie,, well she does make me happy and i do think i have a chanse with her. and then tehre is a sweet girl geek from my class also
and as a geek i love geeks hehe and she just moved so she acturly live in walking distance from me
so thats alwayes nice and she also playes wow :P only nice girls playes wow,, despite that beth claimes that she is a girl,, i don't bealive it hehe

but strange day at school today
first 2 guyes get stuck in an elevator, so no teacher for 30 minnuts or so
then i was outside streching my legs with some friends from class and sudently a "perker" jumps one of them and start pulling his ear we all think it is just for fun, then he start pulling his hair and kicking him, and then finaly punch him in the eye. and then he left,, had he stayed there 2 more minnuts he would have been dead,, some big guyes there was a friend of the guy form my class sudently showed up

and then i stayed after class and had a small talk with my teacher with some other students ,, she is acturly a realy cool teacher she smokes weed and is kinda like a hippi hehe

well thats all for me to day :P

live was so good but then she said something and live went to hell
so i had to get a pack of cigs even tho i quit smoking but i had to get some thing to calm me down and since drugs, and alcohol = suicide for me
then i only got cigs to fall back on
so i am sad because i am smoking again
and sad because my brain works,, someone come and remove it plz and let me stay in my dark little underworld aka. my bed


well of the good things happened is that i don't need to go to english class anymore
before my life wen't to hell i actually completet english at school and got a good enough grade so i can skip it now
even thoe it is like 10 years ago
and i have gotten a lot better at english ,, i still spell bad but thats because i am dialexcic (or what ever the word is)

but damn right now i just wan't to sit down in a corner and cry my heart out
burry it so i don't have any "good" feelings left
love is the most evil thing in the world
don't know how someone can bealive that there is such a thing as good love
there is only paine sorrow anger,and agony
thats all i need in this world
maybe the paine is what makes me live
it makes me feel alive and when i am alive i wan't to die
not that i am thinking of killing my self right now,, got some good friends i will miss out on and maybe some of them will never know that i had gone to a better place,, and i can't go without saying good bye to them

but damn right now i need someone to talk to right now,, and don't know anyone,, 1 person i could talk to is out having fun and she deservs that,, the other one i sleeeping
and the rest of my friends live too far away and have no internet

can't believe, someone actually lives without internet

well a few dayes since last post,, maybe it is because my life is too borring,, and i think it is,, nothing realy happens,, have seen a lot of stargate lately
and chatting with a very good friend,, wish i acturly like more than just a friend, but she lives in the uk and i live in Denmark,, so a relationship is kinda hard, so i just enjoy a good friendship,, she is one of thoes you can talk to about everything. and even learn stuff about your self
i would say you don't know your self until you have had a talk with her hehe

well tomorrow (today) i am startet on the thing at school that i wan't to do, so maybe i will start going there more often than i do now

i was also texting my mum today she have gotten her a boyfriend named poul,, he sounds like a realy cool guy, and she sayes he have the same humor as me so that can only be fun :D


my dad text me the other day asking how it was going,, so i think it is 2 month since i last heard anything from him ,, very strange guy some timesi just want to slap him until he get some understanding about my life in to his head
and other times i just wan't to yell at him, and some times i just wan't to hug him
very strange. i don't like the mand and he seems to not like me other than he have to . but still he is my fater so i do care about him


don't think there is anymore i could write about right now,, well yes there is alot but like my mum alwayes told me don't give it all away at once

Life it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters no one else
I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this cant be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now hes gone

No one but me can save myself, but its too late
Now I cant think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye

well time to make some food,, we are having cow once again together with friies, and some liquid stuff that i unfortunaly don't know the english word for
hehe


other than that i am in a bit bedder mod today

but don't know if i am a bit angry, my X gf asked me some time ago if i came and wisit her this weekend
and then today she toldme that another friend is wisiting her, and there for i can't come
i feal a bit like last years garbage.


and then i also need to complete some school work that i have to hand in tomorrow i don't know if it ever will be done but i sure hope it does

well now while i waith for the owen to get hot, i sit and enjoy my coke and wish my good friend will log on msn soon, so she could get me a bit more happy, i think at this point she is the only one who know how to make me laugh both on the outside and the inside

feealing sick and a bit sad

looking for a new sweet girl to fall in love with
just a bit hard hehe
living in a new part of denmark where i don't know that many people
i have just quit smoking i am still on the chewing gum part
but it is getting better hehe
and soon there is a haolly day here in denmark then i can come home and wisit fammily and old frineds
ohh well time for school soon so i need to get some cloth on,,, can't be naked allle day hehe

well not the sex part thats many years ago
no i am talking about making a blog
never done that before, so this is kinda new to me
i startet in here because my best friend she is writing in here some times
so why not i do the same
share my sick and twistet world with the rest of you guyes out there who wan't to read
and just to make 1 thing clear,, i don't know what i am talking about most of the time,, some times i just need to get some stuff off my heart and out of my mind